Mindful Advice: Cancel Any Timelines You Have for Yourself
For as long as I can remember, I have always known what I thought I wanted for my life. As an elementary school child I always thought about how one day I would get married, have a nice house, have kids, a cute dog and just all that “stuff” that people think is required to have a good life. My mom was 30 when she had me and where I grew up she was one of the older parents. I remember as a kid thinking “oh my goodness I don’t want to be the old mom so I will definitely be having all of my kids before I turn 30.”
How my timelines affected me in college
College came around and I always assumed that is where I would be finding my future husband. In order to meet all of the timelines I had for myself I needed to be married before I was 25 so we could be married a few years before having kids. Wow, just writing that out makes me wish so bad I could go back in time and just enjoy college and not care so much that my timelines were met.
How my timelines affected me from 23-29 years old
Fast forward a few more years and I met the person I ended up marrying. He matched my timeline and was pretty much the only eligible candidate that I had spoken to within my first year of working so after only one year, we got engaged. I dreaded the wedding planning process and was not excited for the actual day. I should have taken that as a sign that deep down, I knew I wasn’t marrying the right person but if we had broken up I definitely wouldn’t be having all of my “kids” by the time I was 30. Lol I literally was so dumb.
Well, the universe had my back (I definitely didn’t realize it at the time) and hit us with infertility. We tried to have a baby for 3 years with no luck. After 4 failed IUI’s and a failed IVF we ended up with nothin’ (besides a ton of money lost). A few weeks after the failed IVF my dad passed away and I was just kind of at this point in my life where everything was shit. The person I was married to left me two weeks after my dad died, one month after the failed IVF. I blame myself because I was in such a hurry to get married that I didn’t care that I was marrying someone that I didn’t know well enough to be marrying. Had I of not rushed my timelines, I could have avoided that whole mess.
While I am trying to give advice to you young (or older) people out there, I also want to comment that going through that shit storm changed who I am completely in the best way. I don’t care about timelines, I don’t care if outside people think about me, I don’t care about a lot of stupid stuff that I cared about before. All of my rushed timelines blew up in my face and if I had just slowed down I could have been soooooo much happier during most of my 20’s. I miss my dad every single day but he would be happy with how I dealt with all of that and came out of it better.
How life is now without timelines
Cutting timelines out of my life is the most FREEING thing I have ever done. I am 31 years old and am exactly where I want to be. I have my dream career, two precious little angel dogs, awesome family, a boyfriend who treats me AMAZINGLY and supports all of my entrepreneurial endeavors (lol), and great friends who showed me nothing but support during the hardest phased of my life. To me, I am at peace if I never have biological children but would also be happy if I did. It is just nice knowing that I will be happy and live a fulfilled life either way. Enjoying the moment with people you love is so important. I am so thankful with the positive relationships I have with so many friends and family and it’s because I took a step back and just lived in the moment and stopped caring about what was going to happen next in my life.
With all of that said, thank you for reading if you made it this far. I don’t usually get all personal on my blog but lately I have really wanted to connect more with my readers and me being open and vulnerable about things that have gone on in my life can help that process. If you want to connect more or have gone through similar circumstances in terms of infertility or parent death please feel free to email me or DM me on Instagram. Sometimes it’s just nice to connect and get support from those who have gone through similar trials.
I hope this post was helpful to those of you who needed to hear this. Have a great week!